Zombies

I grew tired of looking for the good in others. I used to, but I can't now. I am told that if I look for the bad, I will find the bad, that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, so is looking for the good -- it, too, is self-fulfilling. Either way, one ends up ignoring part of what actually is. Is that any way to live? Is that truly the best way to engage the world one lives in?

I do not understand the relativistic hell in which fags want to live. Maybe it is for this reason that they commonly call themselves 'evolved'. This odd streak of relativism seems to have its origin in Eastern thought, but the 'mos give a glorious misinterpretation of it. There was one queen on an online discussion recently, who took me to task cuz I never referred to the gay community as "my" community; I always addressed gay people in the third person. Now, prior to this, I made the argument that there is no gay community; that this erstwhile community is a mob rather than a community, or, as my friend Goatlor puts it, a demographic with issues. So the queens come after me, damning the origin of the argument. Well, why the fook should I say I have anything in common with a people when I maintain they do not have a community? That they have done much to shun me? That it is not my problem, that I do not need to change myself, that I do not subscribe to the idea that one's environment and one are the same thing. (Curiously, one guy on the string defined our environment as "the guys we meet, date, and have sex with," essentially reducing environment to a dating pool. That was just fooken weird.)

Again, no response. No response at all. Abandonment of argument; I am suspect, I am negative, I will harsh the collective's mellow.

Took down two online profiles today. This leaves two others, both of which read, "I don't want to hear it. I am not the man for you." In answer to 'what I'm looking for', I say, "It ain't you." I have a faceyspace profile; used primarily to keep in touch with military buddies.

I want to grab these jackholes and scream, "ANSWER ME!" All I want 'em to do is answer the questions put to 'em. I mean, it's a fooken argument; one guy presents his piece, and we analyze it by reason and logic to determine whether the points are valid. If his proposition is full of shit, we question the shitty part; we do not call him names. We refute him. It's a social contract sort of thing.

Anyway, so this one doofus tells me, in an oddly oblique way, that I must 'detach' myself from 'expectations'. (Oblique approaches suggesting self-improvement always strike me as particularly passive-aggressive.)That this requires much "spiritual work" and that he oughta know. Well, this leads me to question what expectation is. What is expectation-over-time? Is that what we commonly call optimism? That if I am angry with others, it is a reflection of myself -- in other words, I am not angry with others so much as I am angry with myself. Uh, no, I believe it is entirely possible to be angry with others cuz of the shit they pull. Yeah, I expect adults to comport themselves in a mature way. If some guy pulls shit which is damaging to my community, I expect to be allowed to call him on his shit without anyone calling me names or otherwise speaking or thinking ill of me. Would have been interesting to ask the aforementioned doofus what feelings he experienced during the Bush administration -- cuz all those feelings were reflections of himself.

Have you heard the Good News? You can detach from your environment!