I could say my shrink made me write this, but what the fook. He's encouraged me to simply write down and spew, get shit off my chest so that it doesn't gather, and in the gathering, gain power. So I'll do my damnedest to simply write this entry. Pretend I'm Jack Kerouac -- had the worst high school crush on him in, well, high school. C'mon, we know what went on between him and Cassaday.
Over the summer, I was involved with a guy. At first, he said he didn't want a long-term relationship (having just gotten out of a three-way LTR, and having an ex-wife made it clear to him, he said, that he didn't want such a thing). Three weeks later, he said he loved me and wanted me to collar him. He had a nickname I gave him inked across his shoulders, on his back. He was the only man I played with during that time; truly the only man I was interested in. He said he wanted a monogamous relationship, that he wanted to be the only man who got my load (in so many words).
We played rough. I whipped him, I pierced him, I shoved my hand deep in his pussy and made him shoot hard. I stuck sounds in his cock, I electrocuted parts of him, I made him bleed and got his blood on my chest and belly, and goddamn did I fook him. I fooked him with my cock and balls full up in him. I fooked him good and goddamn I fooken liked it.
I started noticing certain changes in myself. I'd find myself thinking of him and I'd cuss. I'd hear a song and think of him. I'd see a pair of shorts he gave me and think of him, and goddamn I'd cuss. I'd cuss him, but mostly I cussed me. Because I could feel an attraction to him increasing. I could feel my own feelings for him develop; I am not always comfortable with this.
With me, cussing is always a sign I'm letting my guard down. A buddy of mine once said, "The tenderest hearts have the toughest armor," and fook, there it was, coming down, opening up, piece by piece. And this man kept saying he wanted to be the only man in my life, the only one for me and I was right there with him. I wanted him to be the only one.
I set aside a time to tell him my feelings. I said when I wanted to see him, that I had to get something off my chest. He asked if it was anything bad; I said no, it's all good, that I just need to say some stuff and I want to do it to his face.
I am not always comfortable being a passionate man. I enlisted in the USMC cuz I needed a job; I ended up fighting beside my buddies because I fooken loved them, not for love of country or sense of patriotic duty. I would not stand to let them come to harm, either in the field or in the mundane world. Marines wear our hearts on our sleeves, for all the world to see, although the world usually does not like to see it.
The world prefers its icons to remain iconic.
Early Saturday morning, around 0400, a message came to me via yahoo messsenger. A URL, a newspaper story, in which I had been quoted. A reporter came to the tattoo place when the man was getting my nickname for him inked on his back; wanted to do a story about Marines and tattoos.
I fooken hate reporters. I fooken HATE reporters, probably cuz I've worked in journalism, but more likely because of another part of my history I will not discuss here. Suffice it to say, I know how reporters are: they will write what they will, they will cant the story how they will, no matter how much nuance and subtlety a source may give them. So I had no trouble giving him a fake name, and letting him believe a particular scar on my body was due to a roadside bomb. I told a story to a storyteller. What I happily gave him were insights into why Marines ink their bodies; how Marines are, contrary to the popular myth, very open about why they do what they do, open about their love of their brothers. How Marines are feeling men, passionate men. It may get sloppy -- I'm not denying that -- but it is undeniable.
Suddenly, to this man, this man who wanted to be the only man for me, who wanted to wear my collar, I was a liar. And this reflected poorly on him, for he had little kids, 10-year-olds, who looked up to him in martial arts classes. HE TRUSTED ME!!! he said. And I lied. He did not look at the situation; anything I said in my defense, even as I spoke my piece to him -- online, which I fooken hate doing because it seems cowardly -- did not matter. Nothing mattered to him except the vehemence of his own feelings. He said he no longer wanted to talk to me, ever.
Three days later, I got an email from him, in which he said he did not wish to burn bridges. While any opportunities for a deeper relationship were gone, he wished to be friends. I thanked him for his grace. He wrote back saying I shouldn't thank him, that it was a mutual friend of ours who convinced him to forgive me. And wasn't this mutual friend a "hot little fucker."
Two days after that, he told me he was flying cross-country to meet this other man face to face. One week after that, he wrote to tell me what a great time he had in the sack, what a wonderfully kinky little fucker this little fucker is.
As for me, my heart was broken each time he told me about this new guy. One week, he loved me, wanted to be the only man who got my cock, my load, my intimacy. The next, he was off and away. Had I even existed? He had previously complained of how his own ex put him in the position of being relationship counselor for the third who had entered their relationship; and here I was, being put in the same position. This new man was active-duty military. "My feelings tell me my husband has deployed and I may never see him again," not even three weeks after he had said he loved me, my hand buried up in him, up his ass, feeling his heartbeat with my fingers, my lips pressed against his, grease and mucous dripping on my tattooed arm, my own heart quickly falling after his.
And I'm supposed to be open. How do I get any more open? My feelings are there for all to see; whose fault is it when those who see them do not acknowledge them, do not recognize them?
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Emerging
At long last, it's winter. So I'm coming out of my little hiatus. Live in fear.
I've been busying myself reading this book, 'Party Monster'. It purports to be "a fabulous but true story of murder in Clubland". Hoo-boy, one can hardly wait.
Now, I enjoy a good melodramatic and steamy story as much as anyone. But there is a conceit these days with memoir: one must portray oneself as having some flaw in order to make oneself believable. And the author here, James St James, has flaws aplenty, and they're not confined to his writing and story-telling skills.
In short, it's the story of a young man with borderline personality disorder who, in the course of building his reputation and 'power', did a lot of drugs, excused any and all damaging behaviors around him, and killed a man. Very titillating, to be sure. But St James never sees the obvious; he begs us, as we read, to "understand" why his pals made the choices they did. And understanding means 'look at us, we're all fabulous and high on ketamine and heroin and crack and cocaine and we made such a splash, we put downtown New York ON THE MAP and, oh, did I mention we were fabulous?'
The reader is meant to open his heart to these poor drug-addled folk cuz, well, they're drug-addled and they just can't help themselves. They can't see themselves for the messes they are, and this is meant to evoke our pity. But hey, everyone was doing it (and they were fabulous, too).
Never at any time does St James apologize for his behavior. He writes, now and then, that he is ashamed of what he does, but clearly glories in his tales of debauchery. All along, he eschews any sort of judgment, any sort of attempt at real understanding of what he's involved with, just how damaging it is, not just for him but for the community around him. It is a book peopled with those who forgot they ever left high school. Indeed, revenge on his school tormentors seems to be part of the motivation for writing the book: 'Look who's the cool kid now!'
Curiously, this story was made into a movie twice, both times by the same producers. First it was a documentary, then it was a dramatization of St James' book. One wonders why the producers would feel so strongly about presenting the material twice: money? fame? success? glamor? the sheer ability to bring to the screen the same story twice, each within years of each other?
Why would one wish to 'understand' the exploits of a man with borderline personality disorder? There is no understanding to such a thing; it simply is. We've all had the boss from hell, the aggressively needy but somehow charming friend or parent. There's nothing new here, and yet it gets lavished with attention, even when it says it does not wish to call attention to itself.
And this, at long last, is our topic: the oft-quoted line that 'drag is the mask that tells the truth'. I submit it is not. Drag -- typically gay men dressing outlandishly in order to get away with obnoxious behavior they wouldn't ordinarily manifest, but anyone may dress or behave so -- calls attention to oneself, not one's ideas. One *wears* drag; one is *not* drag itself. It is in this way that gay men (okay, fags) and fundamentalist Christians find themselves in common practice: fundies say 'marriage is an institution which must remain unsullied', and fags say, 'drag is the mask that tells the truth', when the flaw both commit is reification. (Oh, look it up.) Essentially, they hold some thing in such esteem that it becomes something more than the thing itself, more than the concept itself. It is on some high pedestal, unreachable by mere mortals, having been put there by god himself.
Ack.
Sure, we'll always have an abundance of intellectual rubbish. But dammit, this shit gets to me sometimes.
I've been busying myself reading this book, 'Party Monster'. It purports to be "a fabulous but true story of murder in Clubland". Hoo-boy, one can hardly wait.
Now, I enjoy a good melodramatic and steamy story as much as anyone. But there is a conceit these days with memoir: one must portray oneself as having some flaw in order to make oneself believable. And the author here, James St James, has flaws aplenty, and they're not confined to his writing and story-telling skills.
In short, it's the story of a young man with borderline personality disorder who, in the course of building his reputation and 'power', did a lot of drugs, excused any and all damaging behaviors around him, and killed a man. Very titillating, to be sure. But St James never sees the obvious; he begs us, as we read, to "understand" why his pals made the choices they did. And understanding means 'look at us, we're all fabulous and high on ketamine and heroin and crack and cocaine and we made such a splash, we put downtown New York ON THE MAP and, oh, did I mention we were fabulous?'
The reader is meant to open his heart to these poor drug-addled folk cuz, well, they're drug-addled and they just can't help themselves. They can't see themselves for the messes they are, and this is meant to evoke our pity. But hey, everyone was doing it (and they were fabulous, too).
Never at any time does St James apologize for his behavior. He writes, now and then, that he is ashamed of what he does, but clearly glories in his tales of debauchery. All along, he eschews any sort of judgment, any sort of attempt at real understanding of what he's involved with, just how damaging it is, not just for him but for the community around him. It is a book peopled with those who forgot they ever left high school. Indeed, revenge on his school tormentors seems to be part of the motivation for writing the book: 'Look who's the cool kid now!'
Curiously, this story was made into a movie twice, both times by the same producers. First it was a documentary, then it was a dramatization of St James' book. One wonders why the producers would feel so strongly about presenting the material twice: money? fame? success? glamor? the sheer ability to bring to the screen the same story twice, each within years of each other?
Why would one wish to 'understand' the exploits of a man with borderline personality disorder? There is no understanding to such a thing; it simply is. We've all had the boss from hell, the aggressively needy but somehow charming friend or parent. There's nothing new here, and yet it gets lavished with attention, even when it says it does not wish to call attention to itself.
And this, at long last, is our topic: the oft-quoted line that 'drag is the mask that tells the truth'. I submit it is not. Drag -- typically gay men dressing outlandishly in order to get away with obnoxious behavior they wouldn't ordinarily manifest, but anyone may dress or behave so -- calls attention to oneself, not one's ideas. One *wears* drag; one is *not* drag itself. It is in this way that gay men (okay, fags) and fundamentalist Christians find themselves in common practice: fundies say 'marriage is an institution which must remain unsullied', and fags say, 'drag is the mask that tells the truth', when the flaw both commit is reification. (Oh, look it up.) Essentially, they hold some thing in such esteem that it becomes something more than the thing itself, more than the concept itself. It is on some high pedestal, unreachable by mere mortals, having been put there by god himself.
Ack.
Sure, we'll always have an abundance of intellectual rubbish. But dammit, this shit gets to me sometimes.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Calling Dr Howard, Dr Fein, Dr Howard
dr._bear
Hi Guy, I'm sorry that you don't find men in general to your taste but every one has there own taste. I would like to know about all of your tattoo's what they are and what they mean to you? If I could just say you have a great looking body and I like your hairy body and I like your tattoo's. Thanks and have a great day.
Roger
BigDumbDawg
Yours is the oddest message I've ever received.
dr._bear
Why because I didn't want to jump your bones and because I wanted to know about your tattoo's and that I like your muscles and hairy body why is that odd? My name is Roger what is yours?
Roger
BigDumbDawg
The weird part: that you opened with "I'm sorry that you don't find men in general to your taste but every one has there own taste." It is not my place to tell you what is phenomenally off-putting in that remark, let alone its placement in your message to me. I'm astonished that a 57-year-old man actually believes it possible to make an apology that includes the word 'but'. You want my name? Read my profile.
Just so we're clear on the concept, I inserted a warning in my profiles: if you say something ridiculous, it's likely to end up on my blog. Kinda detracts a little from the creepy Candid Camera-esque fun we like to have, but what the fook. Here, we have a textbook example of how to alienate someone you're interested in.
My favorite part: the apology that isn't an apology. An apology doesn't contain the words "if" or "but". And why the hell would anyone, in the hopes of catching the interest of another, say, "You only have yourself to blame for being disappointed in the caliber of potential mates." Yeah, I'm responsible for guys being jerks.
Ever onward.
Hi Guy, I'm sorry that you don't find men in general to your taste but every one has there own taste. I would like to know about all of your tattoo's what they are and what they mean to you? If I could just say you have a great looking body and I like your hairy body and I like your tattoo's. Thanks and have a great day.
Roger
BigDumbDawg
Yours is the oddest message I've ever received.
dr._bear
Why because I didn't want to jump your bones and because I wanted to know about your tattoo's and that I like your muscles and hairy body why is that odd? My name is Roger what is yours?
Roger
BigDumbDawg
The weird part: that you opened with "I'm sorry that you don't find men in general to your taste but every one has there own taste." It is not my place to tell you what is phenomenally off-putting in that remark, let alone its placement in your message to me. I'm astonished that a 57-year-old man actually believes it possible to make an apology that includes the word 'but'. You want my name? Read my profile.
Just so we're clear on the concept, I inserted a warning in my profiles: if you say something ridiculous, it's likely to end up on my blog. Kinda detracts a little from the creepy Candid Camera-esque fun we like to have, but what the fook. Here, we have a textbook example of how to alienate someone you're interested in.
My favorite part: the apology that isn't an apology. An apology doesn't contain the words "if" or "but". And why the hell would anyone, in the hopes of catching the interest of another, say, "You only have yourself to blame for being disappointed in the caliber of potential mates." Yeah, I'm responsible for guys being jerks.
Ever onward.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Today, I Join the Blogosphere
Paul Addis Senator Larry Craig Larry Harvey Karl Rove
And nappy-headed hoes. Nappy headed hos. Hos ho's.
Ranger Sasquatch
There's a new cussword buzzing on your teen's lips -- lebesion. We'll tell you what it means at eleven.
second superpower
democratizer
horse testicle cradler association
Mike Huckabee
And nappy-headed hoes. Nappy headed hos. Hos ho's.
Ranger Sasquatch
There's a new cussword buzzing on your teen's lips -- lebesion. We'll tell you what it means at eleven.
second superpower
democratizer
horse testicle cradler association
Mike Huckabee
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Requisition Me Some Compassion
This just in, from jlee4282
I agree with everything you say in your profile. Most people need to just shut the fook up and listen for a change...it's the consent blabbering of those uninformed cakeholes, misrepresenting the tid bit of fact they heard on the 11oclock news, that has lead to the destruction of once great nation. If people just shut up and critically looked at the world around them, they would see that their problems are minimal when compared to devastation that is occurring across the world and in this country on a daily basis.
But, with all that said, your profile comes off as you being angry at people who do not see things the way you do. The reality I have found is that most people do not fit the mold you have created. And getting angry with people, or at least coming off that way, does not help the situation either. It tends to push people who would fit the mold further away, as they perceive you to be a negative person, when in reality, and having read your whole profile i can kinda tell, you are not a negative person. But rather a buddy \ lil bro who knows when to shut up, take it like the man they are and enjoy the moment.
Don't really care if you agree with the above, it was just what came to mind after reading your profile. Maybe it'll get you to look at the whole profile things a lil differently, or maybe your goal was to weed out all the non thinkers. You tell me?
------------------
Sure, there are a couple times a year when all you can say is, "Get her." I chose instead a different statement: "What is the call to answer every passing fool according to his folly?"
I wanna know. I like to think I have some kind of sense that keeps me from getting involved in a pissing match. What I don't understand is why guys take it upon themselves to tell me what a "negative" man I am, based on what is an admittedly candid profile. It's pretty clear these guys don't react to that candor; they react to their own indignation upon encountering it.
But why tell me about it? It won't get 'em laid. It won't get 'em dates. Do they think I'm Rush Limbaugh, with an ear at the ready, ever vigilent for the next twitter-pated muttonhead to call and agree with me? Sigh.
I agree with everything you say in your profile. Most people need to just shut the fook up and listen for a change...it's the consent blabbering of those uninformed cakeholes, misrepresenting the tid bit of fact they heard on the 11oclock news, that has lead to the destruction of once great nation. If people just shut up and critically looked at the world around them, they would see that their problems are minimal when compared to devastation that is occurring across the world and in this country on a daily basis.
But, with all that said, your profile comes off as you being angry at people who do not see things the way you do. The reality I have found is that most people do not fit the mold you have created. And getting angry with people, or at least coming off that way, does not help the situation either. It tends to push people who would fit the mold further away, as they perceive you to be a negative person, when in reality, and having read your whole profile i can kinda tell, you are not a negative person. But rather a buddy \ lil bro who knows when to shut up, take it like the man they are and enjoy the moment.
Don't really care if you agree with the above, it was just what came to mind after reading your profile. Maybe it'll get you to look at the whole profile things a lil differently, or maybe your goal was to weed out all the non thinkers. You tell me?
------------------
Sure, there are a couple times a year when all you can say is, "Get her." I chose instead a different statement: "What is the call to answer every passing fool according to his folly?"
I wanna know. I like to think I have some kind of sense that keeps me from getting involved in a pissing match. What I don't understand is why guys take it upon themselves to tell me what a "negative" man I am, based on what is an admittedly candid profile. It's pretty clear these guys don't react to that candor; they react to their own indignation upon encountering it.
But why tell me about it? It won't get 'em laid. It won't get 'em dates. Do they think I'm Rush Limbaugh, with an ear at the ready, ever vigilent for the next twitter-pated muttonhead to call and agree with me? Sigh.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
The Only Thing That Will Cure Me Is A Miracle
arpeejay
Based on the criterion you set forth I think you could have skipped the tatts. You're a beautiful man, inside and out. And, just so you'll know, there's nothing sexier than fur on muscle (IMHO) and you have plenty of both! All the best & xoxo
Huh?
Based on what I say, I shouldn't have tattooed myself. But that's okay, I'm beautiful inside and out. Love and kisses, some stranger.
Or maybe
You don't apply your standards to yourself, but that's okay cuz you're sexy as fook, luvity luv luv luv, a dork in Florida.
Possibly
You gorgeous hypocrite! Give me your knucklepuppies, kiss kiss kiss, another schmuck who lives in America's wang.
Could be
I'm a pompous weiner with a thinly-veiled yet morbid fear of obesity that keeps me from knowing who I am, sexy sexy sexy sexy sex, I'm in Ft Lauderdale and will eat your sperm, yummy.
Norman, coordinate. Norman, coordinate...
Based on the criterion you set forth I think you could have skipped the tatts. You're a beautiful man, inside and out. And, just so you'll know, there's nothing sexier than fur on muscle (IMHO) and you have plenty of both! All the best & xoxo
Huh?
Based on what I say, I shouldn't have tattooed myself. But that's okay, I'm beautiful inside and out. Love and kisses, some stranger.
Or maybe
You don't apply your standards to yourself, but that's okay cuz you're sexy as fook, luvity luv luv luv, a dork in Florida.
Possibly
You gorgeous hypocrite! Give me your knucklepuppies, kiss kiss kiss, another schmuck who lives in America's wang.
Could be
I'm a pompous weiner with a thinly-veiled yet morbid fear of obesity that keeps me from knowing who I am, sexy sexy sexy sexy sex, I'm in Ft Lauderdale and will eat your sperm, yummy.
Norman, coordinate. Norman, coordinate...
Monday, August 20, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Insulting Your Way To Grace
"A bit too full of yourself, but at least you can spell (and read Pynchon, apparently). If ever around these parts and looking for a great fuck, drop me a line, cheery-o." -- BrazilCub
Literacy will get you laid by a guy who thinks you're a jerk. Hmm.
Literacy will get you laid by a guy who thinks you're a jerk. Hmm.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Kids These Days
So I wrote to a 26-year-old fella in Washington DC; he had a good haircut, so WTF. The entirety of his profile reads, "Talk is cheap, so i talk a lot. But i'm all talk, so you better listen." Indeed. Let us listen carefully --
BigDumbDawg
Sweet pussypatch you got there.
JOCK22
Loser. pussypatch? FUCK YOU. No wonder you have "BigDumb" in your user name... And quit with the military drag already. A former Marine? Great. Youre now 45 years old and look ridiculous. (And if you hadnt disrespected me, I wouldnt have been
so honest.)
BigDumbDawg
I was complimenting you on your haircut, jackass. If you wish to take it as disrespect, that's your business. You, honest? Your understanding of honesty is the same as any common fag's. Foolish me for thinking you might have some character.
(Here, the site fails me; it dropped a message from him. Alas. Apparently, it contained a line about what sort of language I used in front of my mother. Cuz when you can't make a reasonable point, the best course is to insult a man's relations.)
BigDumbDawg
A lecture on manners from a man who says if I hadn't been "disrespectful", he wouldn't have been "honest". That's an astonishingly negative understanding of honesty. FYI, 'pussypatch' is an affectionate term for a good haircut. So, yeah, mom
heard it.
JOCK22
...honest in that I wouldn't have said you look ridiculous for someone who is 45 years old. I would have thought it, but held my tongue. Still, I didn't think pussypatch meant what you said it did. So thank you for complimenting my hair.
BigDumbDawg
And somehow thinking it but not saying makes you a better man? Now that takes gumption. Not balls; just audacity. You still have no character. Or integrity or honor. Which is fooken shameful. You'd rather feel insulted than ask what I meant. Fag.
JOCK22
Though perhaps if you didnt look like a vagrant I wouldnt have assumed it was an insult. I think your sleeve tattoos look trashy... so does the USMC.
http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2007/03/marine_tattoo_changes_032007/
BigDumbDawg
Had the sleeve before the regs were changed, so I'm good to go. Frankly, I'd rather look trashy than act trashy -- I can wear long sleeves, but your petty, narrow little mind will always be readily visible to the world.
JOCK22
As far as appearance is concerned, yes, I'm a traditionalist. You can say that makes me narrow, but I'm not ashamed of that. It makes life easier not having my grandmother embarrassed by my appearance.
Let's go back and look at his profile: "Talk is cheap, so i talk a lot. But i'm all talk, so you better listen." I guess that means he's cheap.
BigDumbDawg
Sweet pussypatch you got there.
JOCK22
Loser. pussypatch? FUCK YOU. No wonder you have "BigDumb" in your user name... And quit with the military drag already. A former Marine? Great. Youre now 45 years old and look ridiculous. (And if you hadnt disrespected me, I wouldnt have been
so honest.)
BigDumbDawg
I was complimenting you on your haircut, jackass. If you wish to take it as disrespect, that's your business. You, honest? Your understanding of honesty is the same as any common fag's. Foolish me for thinking you might have some character.
(Here, the site fails me; it dropped a message from him. Alas. Apparently, it contained a line about what sort of language I used in front of my mother. Cuz when you can't make a reasonable point, the best course is to insult a man's relations.)
BigDumbDawg
A lecture on manners from a man who says if I hadn't been "disrespectful", he wouldn't have been "honest". That's an astonishingly negative understanding of honesty. FYI, 'pussypatch' is an affectionate term for a good haircut. So, yeah, mom
heard it.
JOCK22
...honest in that I wouldn't have said you look ridiculous for someone who is 45 years old. I would have thought it, but held my tongue. Still, I didn't think pussypatch meant what you said it did. So thank you for complimenting my hair.
BigDumbDawg
And somehow thinking it but not saying makes you a better man? Now that takes gumption. Not balls; just audacity. You still have no character. Or integrity or honor. Which is fooken shameful. You'd rather feel insulted than ask what I meant. Fag.
JOCK22
Though perhaps if you didnt look like a vagrant I wouldnt have assumed it was an insult. I think your sleeve tattoos look trashy... so does the USMC.
http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2007/03/marine_tattoo_changes_032007/
BigDumbDawg
Had the sleeve before the regs were changed, so I'm good to go. Frankly, I'd rather look trashy than act trashy -- I can wear long sleeves, but your petty, narrow little mind will always be readily visible to the world.
JOCK22
As far as appearance is concerned, yes, I'm a traditionalist. You can say that makes me narrow, but I'm not ashamed of that. It makes life easier not having my grandmother embarrassed by my appearance.
Let's go back and look at his profile: "Talk is cheap, so i talk a lot. But i'm all talk, so you better listen." I guess that means he's cheap.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
How Late It Was, How Late
Alta the malamute, my boon companion of little over 10-1/2 years, died 22 JUL 07. She was old and infirm; she died in my arms, at home. Her ashes came home day before yesterday, collected in a small cedar box with brass trim. They lie on my altar, on the upper hand, for she was of nobler kin.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Identity is a Crisis
Anonymous said...
HAHAHA! What a COMPLETE fake and phoney! Your attitude is laughable! Calling us all fags huh? My advice to you GI Joe: go back in the "fookin'" closet cuz yer makin' all of us REAL gay dudes look absolutely reprehensible!! If yer that uncomfortable with yer sexuality bud go get a sex change done then you can be what you REALLY want to be: a HETEROsexual. Have a nice day baby killer. Heh,heh,heh!
July 28, 2007 7:30 PM
Oookay. Always interesting to see who responds to the bait of 'post your comments'. Frankly, I think this particular Anonymous is just some jerk who found me by following whatever set of clicks fit his fancy. Thinks I should go back in the closet cuz I make "us REAL gay dudes look absolutely reprehensible!!" Well, if the point is to chronicle the REAL gay dudes and their reprehensible garbage, why should I go back into the closet? Apparently, holding gay men to critical standards -- heck, any standards at all -- elicits an admonition to have a sex change in order to facilitate what Anonymous supposed I really wish to be: a heterosexual woman. Cuz, uh, no REAL gay man would complain about the treatment he receives at the hands of the others in this alleged community? Hmmm.
Just some midsummer rambling.
HAHAHA! What a COMPLETE fake and phoney! Your attitude is laughable! Calling us all fags huh? My advice to you GI Joe: go back in the "fookin'" closet cuz yer makin' all of us REAL gay dudes look absolutely reprehensible!! If yer that uncomfortable with yer sexuality bud go get a sex change done then you can be what you REALLY want to be: a HETEROsexual. Have a nice day baby killer. Heh,heh,heh!
July 28, 2007 7:30 PM
Oookay. Always interesting to see who responds to the bait of 'post your comments'. Frankly, I think this particular Anonymous is just some jerk who found me by following whatever set of clicks fit his fancy. Thinks I should go back in the closet cuz I make "us REAL gay dudes look absolutely reprehensible!!" Well, if the point is to chronicle the REAL gay dudes and their reprehensible garbage, why should I go back into the closet? Apparently, holding gay men to critical standards -- heck, any standards at all -- elicits an admonition to have a sex change in order to facilitate what Anonymous supposed I really wish to be: a heterosexual woman. Cuz, uh, no REAL gay man would complain about the treatment he receives at the hands of the others in this alleged community? Hmmm.
Just some midsummer rambling.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Monsters Under My Bed
Here's a scary thought -- we are taught the world is one way when it is actually another. For ejemplo, everyone "knows" that married French men have mistresses in addition to wives, and nobody cares. However, there is the veneer of care, in that we claim to abhor adultery; that's how we're socialized, and that veneer passes for happiness (or, at least, contentment). Then we shriek about secret prisons abroad, where 'enemy combatants' are incarcerated; we act surprised when Cheney won't release any documentation. Paranoia becomes an act of community; we are made community by whom we fear. We give lip service to welcome, to tolerance, to the best ideas of humanity but secretly hoard (then revere) the worst because that's what truly holds us together.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
More Wackiness Online
So this blissfully unaware and incompetent freakazoid responded to an online profile. You know the one -- the one that prompted another retardate to email the commandant's office of the United States Marine Corps to tell 'em a war criminal was on the loose in southern California. Anywho, here's the exchange:
Nice2b
2007-07-11 18:54:59 Nice and damn "hard" profile but i bet that is just the way you are or maybe not??? hard shell and VERY soft cell?? Maybe you can answer my very first question on my profile??? Have a good one, like your pix, nice, but U R just too much of a TOP. Steffl
(So -- does he want a response or doesn't he? He likes my pics, but I'm "just too much of a TOP" whatever that means. Does anyone know what language this is? Is his message "I was interested until I read the text"? Oh, let's respond anyway.)
BigDumbDawg
2007-07-11 19:06:38 Thanks for your judgmental attitude.
Nice2b
2007-07-12 16:00:54 sorry, but you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until i got to read your entire profile and your notes... I still believe that there has to be a SOFT touch to you! Your older (rowing) pics where good too. You see i do watch you already a long time
BigDumbDawg
2007-07-12 18:33:35 I don't row. Never have. Interesting how you decompensate ("you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until...."). Take your arrogance elsewhere; it's unappealing.
Nice2b
sorry, won't happen again, but i am 4 sure not arrogant, never been and hope never will be? You do look very nice (and sexy) in your profile pix. It's only that this 1 pic looked so brutal to me :-( Hope you take my apology. Good night 4 now, STEFFL.
He's not arrogant? Last time I checked, making assumptions and being utterly immune to another's input is de facto arrogance. (And truly, I have never rowed a day in my life. The sport doesn't appeal to me. But let's not trifle over things like facts.)
Curiously, this wasn't the first time I'd heard from the guy. The first time he wrote me, it was to say this:
nice2b
2007-06-18 15:38:01 your favorite pic = that shows how different prefferences are!! You have a great day hunky man. Regards from Bavaria, STEFFL
BigDumbDawg
I disagree. It shows how different focii are.
Hear that, world? PREFERENCES ARE DIFFERENT!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!!
Cynical me, making fun of dolts who truly have nothing to say, but are enamored of the sound of their own voice. Back in sixth grade, we had a name for this condition: Diarrhea of the Mouth.
Still reading? Want to know what the "very first question" on his profile is? He asks, "EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT IS "ALL AMERICAN" am i 100% All Bavarian or did you US guys forget your descent??" I weep for language, but that is another post. (I also weep for people who are clearly unable to express their thoughts in written form. Then I am reminded of a statistic a psychiatrist friend once shared with me: 60 percent of any given population never achieves abstract thought.)
Nice2b
2007-07-11 18:54:59 Nice and damn "hard" profile but i bet that is just the way you are or maybe not??? hard shell and VERY soft cell?? Maybe you can answer my very first question on my profile??? Have a good one, like your pix, nice, but U R just too much of a TOP. Steffl
(So -- does he want a response or doesn't he? He likes my pics, but I'm "just too much of a TOP" whatever that means. Does anyone know what language this is? Is his message "I was interested until I read the text"? Oh, let's respond anyway.)
BigDumbDawg
2007-07-11 19:06:38 Thanks for your judgmental attitude.
Nice2b
2007-07-12 16:00:54 sorry, but you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until i got to read your entire profile and your notes... I still believe that there has to be a SOFT touch to you! Your older (rowing) pics where good too. You see i do watch you already a long time
BigDumbDawg
2007-07-12 18:33:35 I don't row. Never have. Interesting how you decompensate ("you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until...."). Take your arrogance elsewhere; it's unappealing.
Nice2b
sorry, won't happen again, but i am 4 sure not arrogant, never been and hope never will be? You do look very nice (and sexy) in your profile pix. It's only that this 1 pic looked so brutal to me :-( Hope you take my apology. Good night 4 now, STEFFL.
He's not arrogant? Last time I checked, making assumptions and being utterly immune to another's input is de facto arrogance. (And truly, I have never rowed a day in my life. The sport doesn't appeal to me. But let's not trifle over things like facts.)
Curiously, this wasn't the first time I'd heard from the guy. The first time he wrote me, it was to say this:
nice2b
2007-06-18 15:38:01 your favorite pic = that shows how different prefferences are!! You have a great day hunky man. Regards from Bavaria, STEFFL
BigDumbDawg
I disagree. It shows how different focii are.
Hear that, world? PREFERENCES ARE DIFFERENT!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!!
Cynical me, making fun of dolts who truly have nothing to say, but are enamored of the sound of their own voice. Back in sixth grade, we had a name for this condition: Diarrhea of the Mouth.
Still reading? Want to know what the "very first question" on his profile is? He asks, "EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT IS "ALL AMERICAN" am i 100% All Bavarian or did you US guys forget your descent??" I weep for language, but that is another post. (I also weep for people who are clearly unable to express their thoughts in written form. Then I am reminded of a statistic a psychiatrist friend once shared with me: 60 percent of any given population never achieves abstract thought.)
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Klytus, I'm Bored
You scored as Violent, You are violent. To you there is nothing better than a good spank. You like scratching and biting 'cause that's what people are for.
What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com |
It's twue, it's twue.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
May Day M'Aidez
THE DATE: 28 APR 07
THE PROFILE:
Former MOS 0311, 5565, looking for friends, and one good and lasting battlebuddy, former/AD military prefered; USMC much prefered. I am a humorless, blood-thirsty, baby-killing automaton. Civilians interested in contact should familiarize themselves with the points below:
How to Handle a Jarhead
1) Realize that when he says he will lay down his life for you, he actually means it; respond accordingly.
2) Realize that for him, flirting is a contact sport, like unto rugby (and while he may not be the brightest guy around, you'll be surprised at how what he says will hit you).
3) Know he is vulgar, has a juvenile sense of humor, swears a lot, but is still the kind of guy you'd be proud to take home to yer mother (and he'll probably inform your father that his intentions toward you are indeed honorable). He also has impeccable table manners.
4) Know that when he cries, he fooken means it; he has the same understanding of you. (There is enough in this life that will make him cry, but don't expect him to admit to it if pressed.)
5) Know that the motto, "Courage, honor, commitment" is not a collection of buzzwords to him; they guide him in how he lives his life. If he fails, gently remind him; he expects it of you.
6) Know that he will never be rich, but he will always share whatever he has.
7) Know that when he apologizes, you must never, ever tell anyone (unless one absolutely *must* be so informed).
8) Never, ever, under any circumstances ask what he's done in battle. He'll bring it up when or if it's time.
9) Know that he will fook you through the wall, make you shoot when your cock is soft, and has the sweetest pussy you'll ever get into.
10) It has been said of jarheads, "The best friend you'll ever have, the worst enemy you'll ever make. " Whoever said it wasn't kidding.
Further details at http://proverbsforparanoiacs.blogspot.com.
Inane responses will be handled in an appropriate manner. If masculinity is a fashion accessory for you -- most of you who suffer from this affliction refuse to recognize yourselves -- stay away. There are plenty of dorks to pork you; I'm not one of them.
THE EXCHANGE:
bodybuildRUF 2007-04-28 18:51:24
nice sentiments bud, too bad you & other military die-hards are having their "duty honor country" bullshit patriotism totally abused by mass-murderer war-criminal abject liars the likes of empty-headed "junior" bush and "big-time" corporate-mafioso cheney
BigDumbDawg 2007-04-28 20:16:12
Thanks for the insult. Perhaps you'd like to try again, only this time, say, "I don't know why any self-respecting gay man would ever want to be in the military."
bodybuildRUF
I don't know why a self-respecting American male of ANY persuasion would put up with participating in a military that has become such a reprehensible tool of mass murder & brutality under crypto-fascist Bush & Cheney. They give a flying fuck about freedom
BigDumbDawg
Why the fook are you giving me such a hassle? Did I ask for your opinion? NO. So why don't you just fook off to your own little corner and shut the fook up?
bodybuildRUF
btw, the baby-killer remark is not only disgusting & reprehensible (and evidently, not an uncommon activity perpetrated by our valiant stud soldiers in Iraqi civilian neighborhoods), but would subject you to the same charge of murder as any other homicide
BigDumbDawg
FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE!!! NOW! I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, YOU FOOKEN WROTE ME WITH ALL YOUR INSULTING GARBAGE! NOW FOOK OFF!! YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE MEN I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED! I AM NOT INTERESTED! LEAVE ME BE!
I have reported you to the webmasters of this site for your continuing harassment. Stop now, or I will pursue this matter in court.
bodybuildRUF
How dare you call me "morally reprehensible" when it is YOU who presents such disgusting immoral garbage in your BM profile that I merely happened to come across. Take your fucking phoney military bravado and shove it up your miserably ugly fat ass, pal
BigDumbDawg
Again, stop or I will pursue this matter in court. You are only building the case against you and BM.
bodybuildRUF
I'm sorry, but when I read you bragging that you are a "baby-killing automaton" (even if that is just your attempt at humorous bragadocio) I was sickened. Do you have any idea how many actual babies are incinerated every day by American bombing in Iraq.
BigDumbDawg
STOP WRITING TO ME!!!! NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWNOW NOW!!! I DO NOT WANT CONTACT WITH YOU!!! STOP WRITING ME!! YOU WROTE ME OF YOUR OWN ACCORD ONLY TO HURL INSULTS AT ME!!! STOP IT!!!NOW!!! THIS FOOKEN INSTANT!!! STOP IT! YOU WILL BE SUED FOR STALKING!
bodybuildRUF
Don't worry man, this is my last message. At first your reprehensible ravings made me angry (would you like me to link you to websites of actual photos of children murdered by America's military) but now I realize you are unhinged. Get professional help
BigDumbDawg
SHUT UP!!! JUST FOOKEN SHUT UP AND FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAK!!!
THE COMMENTARY:
C'mon, it's a blog; there's always commentary. Aside from the entertainment value of a St. Petersburg-dwelling liberal fascist going for blood for no discernible reason, let's take a look at what he does.
I like the curiously sexualized language in reference to the despised military ("our valiant stud soldiers"), the utter abnegation of any responsibility for his responses ("it was your moral garbage... that I just happened to come across."), references to myself as homicidal (and I'd be "charged with murder same as any other homicide"), and, of course, the grand ad hominem a gay man can say of another: physical decrepitude ("miserably ugly fat ass"). After all, he was "sickened."
Fooken duh, this reactionary's rants have nothing to do with me. But somehow I gave him a focus. I'm military. I'm dead sexy. I'm muscular, I'm masculine, I'm forward, I'm unsentimental. and I do not toe the party line. As for bodybuildRUF, he was thrown off the site. Will I seek legal counsel? Yeah, cuz I'm fooken tired of getting shit like this when all I want is a mate. I'm fooken tired of fags who think they're entitled to spew any kind of venom when they come across someone they can't screw because he's ideologically impure. (How do I know that's the case? His rants ain't arch enough to be sarcasm.)
So what world is it when the ability to speak makes one's opinion valid? It is the world built of particularity. "As a woman....", "As a black man....", "As a lesbian....", "As an Asian-American...." -- none of these things grant a de facto insight regarding a subject. Such an understanding of these signifiers is nothing but a return to the superstition of Rousseau's 'noble savage'.
I suppose the obvious question here -- for those who belong to the thinkin' fellers union -- is why I don't say nothing in my profile for blogspot. Well, if that's you, you're right. I don't say nothing, don't talk to no one...
THE PROFILE:
Former MOS 0311, 5565, looking for friends, and one good and lasting battlebuddy, former/AD military prefered; USMC much prefered. I am a humorless, blood-thirsty, baby-killing automaton. Civilians interested in contact should familiarize themselves with the points below:
How to Handle a Jarhead
1) Realize that when he says he will lay down his life for you, he actually means it; respond accordingly.
2) Realize that for him, flirting is a contact sport, like unto rugby (and while he may not be the brightest guy around, you'll be surprised at how what he says will hit you).
3) Know he is vulgar, has a juvenile sense of humor, swears a lot, but is still the kind of guy you'd be proud to take home to yer mother (and he'll probably inform your father that his intentions toward you are indeed honorable). He also has impeccable table manners.
4) Know that when he cries, he fooken means it; he has the same understanding of you. (There is enough in this life that will make him cry, but don't expect him to admit to it if pressed.)
5) Know that the motto, "Courage, honor, commitment" is not a collection of buzzwords to him; they guide him in how he lives his life. If he fails, gently remind him; he expects it of you.
6) Know that he will never be rich, but he will always share whatever he has.
7) Know that when he apologizes, you must never, ever tell anyone (unless one absolutely *must* be so informed).
8) Never, ever, under any circumstances ask what he's done in battle. He'll bring it up when or if it's time.
9) Know that he will fook you through the wall, make you shoot when your cock is soft, and has the sweetest pussy you'll ever get into.
10) It has been said of jarheads, "The best friend you'll ever have, the worst enemy you'll ever make. " Whoever said it wasn't kidding.
Further details at http://proverbsforparanoiacs.blogspot.com.
Inane responses will be handled in an appropriate manner. If masculinity is a fashion accessory for you -- most of you who suffer from this affliction refuse to recognize yourselves -- stay away. There are plenty of dorks to pork you; I'm not one of them.
THE EXCHANGE:
bodybuildRUF 2007-04-28 18:51:24
nice sentiments bud, too bad you & other military die-hards are having their "duty honor country" bullshit patriotism totally abused by mass-murderer war-criminal abject liars the likes of empty-headed "junior" bush and "big-time" corporate-mafioso cheney
BigDumbDawg 2007-04-28 20:16:12
Thanks for the insult. Perhaps you'd like to try again, only this time, say, "I don't know why any self-respecting gay man would ever want to be in the military."
bodybuildRUF
I don't know why a self-respecting American male of ANY persuasion would put up with participating in a military that has become such a reprehensible tool of mass murder & brutality under crypto-fascist Bush & Cheney. They give a flying fuck about freedom
BigDumbDawg
Why the fook are you giving me such a hassle? Did I ask for your opinion? NO. So why don't you just fook off to your own little corner and shut the fook up?
bodybuildRUF
btw, the baby-killer remark is not only disgusting & reprehensible (and evidently, not an uncommon activity perpetrated by our valiant stud soldiers in Iraqi civilian neighborhoods), but would subject you to the same charge of murder as any other homicide
BigDumbDawg
FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE!!! NOW! I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, YOU FOOKEN WROTE ME WITH ALL YOUR INSULTING GARBAGE! NOW FOOK OFF!! YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE MEN I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED! I AM NOT INTERESTED! LEAVE ME BE!
I have reported you to the webmasters of this site for your continuing harassment. Stop now, or I will pursue this matter in court.
bodybuildRUF
How dare you call me "morally reprehensible" when it is YOU who presents such disgusting immoral garbage in your BM profile that I merely happened to come across. Take your fucking phoney military bravado and shove it up your miserably ugly fat ass, pal
BigDumbDawg
Again, stop or I will pursue this matter in court. You are only building the case against you and BM.
bodybuildRUF
I'm sorry, but when I read you bragging that you are a "baby-killing automaton" (even if that is just your attempt at humorous bragadocio) I was sickened. Do you have any idea how many actual babies are incinerated every day by American bombing in Iraq.
BigDumbDawg
STOP WRITING TO ME!!!! NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWNOW NOW!!! I DO NOT WANT CONTACT WITH YOU!!! STOP WRITING ME!! YOU WROTE ME OF YOUR OWN ACCORD ONLY TO HURL INSULTS AT ME!!! STOP IT!!!NOW!!! THIS FOOKEN INSTANT!!! STOP IT! YOU WILL BE SUED FOR STALKING!
bodybuildRUF
Don't worry man, this is my last message. At first your reprehensible ravings made me angry (would you like me to link you to websites of actual photos of children murdered by America's military) but now I realize you are unhinged. Get professional help
BigDumbDawg
SHUT UP!!! JUST FOOKEN SHUT UP AND FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAK!!!
THE COMMENTARY:
C'mon, it's a blog; there's always commentary. Aside from the entertainment value of a St. Petersburg-dwelling liberal fascist going for blood for no discernible reason, let's take a look at what he does.
I like the curiously sexualized language in reference to the despised military ("our valiant stud soldiers"), the utter abnegation of any responsibility for his responses ("it was your moral garbage... that I just happened to come across."), references to myself as homicidal (and I'd be "charged with murder same as any other homicide"), and, of course, the grand ad hominem a gay man can say of another: physical decrepitude ("miserably ugly fat ass"). After all, he was "sickened."
Fooken duh, this reactionary's rants have nothing to do with me. But somehow I gave him a focus. I'm military. I'm dead sexy. I'm muscular, I'm masculine, I'm forward, I'm unsentimental. and I do not toe the party line. As for bodybuildRUF, he was thrown off the site. Will I seek legal counsel? Yeah, cuz I'm fooken tired of getting shit like this when all I want is a mate. I'm fooken tired of fags who think they're entitled to spew any kind of venom when they come across someone they can't screw because he's ideologically impure. (How do I know that's the case? His rants ain't arch enough to be sarcasm.)
So what world is it when the ability to speak makes one's opinion valid? It is the world built of particularity. "As a woman....", "As a black man....", "As a lesbian....", "As an Asian-American...." -- none of these things grant a de facto insight regarding a subject. Such an understanding of these signifiers is nothing but a return to the superstition of Rousseau's 'noble savage'.
I suppose the obvious question here -- for those who belong to the thinkin' fellers union -- is why I don't say nothing in my profile for blogspot. Well, if that's you, you're right. I don't say nothing, don't talk to no one...
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Dawg Day Afternoon
This just in from Iron Nick (or IronNick) --
"lol, what an arrogant jerk! And you're worried about getting too many gropes? And comments about being hot??? Just goes to prove that you're not the only delusional dullard around. Me thinks you do protest too much, but there's good news--29 Plams is a great place for you to be planted. Maybe it could be re-named 30 Palms to include you, you cerrtainly have the nuts for it. Nevertheless, kudos for your musical talent--I admire you for that, and it's a convenient excuse if you'd ever have to tangle with a real man."
Now, we know the profile he was responding to; it was listed in the first post on this blog. (Go on, I'll wait while you reacquaint yourself with it....) It is responses like these that bring me to the ongoing question: just what the fook is it with fags that, upon reading my profile, they feel compelled to hurl bile and invective my way? I mean, these are guys who, one imagines, would ordinarily simply change the channel if James Dobson came on. What is it about reading a personal profile that so sets 'em off?
My theory -- and it's only a theory; there's no fooken way I'll ever be able to prove it -- is that they look at the pics, get all excited, and create this image of me in their bubbly li'l heads. Then they read the text, and it has nothing to do with the image they created. This hurts their feelings, so they (to borrow a word from the psych biz) decompensate. They vote democrat and decompensate when "their" candidate abandons them and votes for DOMA. They put a "No War in Iraq" bumpersticker on their car and are chagrined when Shrub maintains the rightness of his course, preaching perfectly pitched to the pitch-perfect choir. They actually believe that abortion as a medical procedure is threatened (exactly what this issue has to do with being queer, I'll never know; all the queer folks I know with kids went to elaborate lengths to plan for the births). They are the perfect enemy, just as easily manipulated, just as bloodthirsty as those they claim to oppose. And this prodigiously stupid battle will never end as long as the fundamental American outlook of us v them remains. Colony v nation, state v state, north v south, rich v poor, race v race. A wiser man than I once said, "The point is not to enlarge the circle of acceptance; the point is to erase the circle."
"lol, what an arrogant jerk! And you're worried about getting too many gropes? And comments about being hot??? Just goes to prove that you're not the only delusional dullard around. Me thinks you do protest too much, but there's good news--29 Plams is a great place for you to be planted. Maybe it could be re-named 30 Palms to include you, you cerrtainly have the nuts for it. Nevertheless, kudos for your musical talent--I admire you for that, and it's a convenient excuse if you'd ever have to tangle with a real man."
Now, we know the profile he was responding to; it was listed in the first post on this blog. (Go on, I'll wait while you reacquaint yourself with it....) It is responses like these that bring me to the ongoing question: just what the fook is it with fags that, upon reading my profile, they feel compelled to hurl bile and invective my way? I mean, these are guys who, one imagines, would ordinarily simply change the channel if James Dobson came on. What is it about reading a personal profile that so sets 'em off?
My theory -- and it's only a theory; there's no fooken way I'll ever be able to prove it -- is that they look at the pics, get all excited, and create this image of me in their bubbly li'l heads. Then they read the text, and it has nothing to do with the image they created. This hurts their feelings, so they (to borrow a word from the psych biz) decompensate. They vote democrat and decompensate when "their" candidate abandons them and votes for DOMA. They put a "No War in Iraq" bumpersticker on their car and are chagrined when Shrub maintains the rightness of his course, preaching perfectly pitched to the pitch-perfect choir. They actually believe that abortion as a medical procedure is threatened (exactly what this issue has to do with being queer, I'll never know; all the queer folks I know with kids went to elaborate lengths to plan for the births). They are the perfect enemy, just as easily manipulated, just as bloodthirsty as those they claim to oppose. And this prodigiously stupid battle will never end as long as the fundamental American outlook of us v them remains. Colony v nation, state v state, north v south, rich v poor, race v race. A wiser man than I once said, "The point is not to enlarge the circle of acceptance; the point is to erase the circle."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Taking One for the Team
My buddy Hitman was deployed to the Sandbox four days ago, and I fooken miss him.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Post Scrip
Creativejuice, the feller in the previous post, felt compelled to respond to me. "And thank you for taking it upon yourself to judge me," he wrote, after I commended him for behaving like an adult.
What the fook is it with fags and judgment? He clearly prevaricates in his correspondence with me, yet when I point this out, it's judgment. Hmm.
Okay, there's this odd little philosophical brick laid in the foundation of Homoland (for those who just joined our story, Homoland is my name for the Castro district in San Francisco; it is a far better nomenclature than 'gay community' as far as I'm concerned). And this little brick sez, "We are not straight; we are gay. Therefore, gay is what straight is not." Next to it is a little brick that sez, "There are no standards. Our strength is in our diversity, and we are all different; judgment was used to belittle us and divide us, therefore judgment is bad."
There's just a teensy problem with such an understanding: without standards, you have mob rule. Community, by its nature, cannot exist without standards. C'mon, lambchop, think to the French revolution (and before you get snooty by asking 'which one?'), when they did away with months and years, and call their time Year One of the Revolution and so on, dissolved marriage as an institution, banned the church and jailed clergymen, squatting rights came to bear (didn't matter if you owned the land, merely that you lived on it). On and on. Tell me, who came to power? And what did ol' Robespierre do? And who destroyed him? And were they themselves destroyed? (Here's a lovely quote: "If the spring of popular government in time of peace is virtue, the springs of popular government in revolution are at once virtue and terror: virtue, without which terror is fatal; terror, without which virtue is powerless. Terror is nothing other than justice, prompt, severe, inflexible...It has been said that terror is the principle of despotic government. Does your government therefore resemble despotism? Yes, as the sword that gleams in the hands of the heroes of liberty resembles that with which the henchmen of tyranny are armed.") Let us remember these folks were lefties. (Go on with yer shit about Shrub; I ain't impressed. Do you actually believe you're saying something new about W. and his cronies?)
What about them Bolsheviks? Who succeeded them? And what sort of dictator was he? And what did he do?
My point is not "Oh, those wacky lefties." My point is what happens when you eschew standards egocentrically, thoughtlessly. When you say, "Let's make 'em up as we go along and reinvent ourselves and make our own society cuz those old ethics were just so tired and, well, they didn't speak to me; that's all about straight white men."
No, I didn't misspell the title to this entry. It's a little scrip for the odd syndrome at the heart of Homoland. Why is the act of pointing out a man's lies called judgmental? All you do is notice him lying.
What the fook is it with fags and judgment? He clearly prevaricates in his correspondence with me, yet when I point this out, it's judgment. Hmm.
Okay, there's this odd little philosophical brick laid in the foundation of Homoland (for those who just joined our story, Homoland is my name for the Castro district in San Francisco; it is a far better nomenclature than 'gay community' as far as I'm concerned). And this little brick sez, "We are not straight; we are gay. Therefore, gay is what straight is not." Next to it is a little brick that sez, "There are no standards. Our strength is in our diversity, and we are all different; judgment was used to belittle us and divide us, therefore judgment is bad."
There's just a teensy problem with such an understanding: without standards, you have mob rule. Community, by its nature, cannot exist without standards. C'mon, lambchop, think to the French revolution (and before you get snooty by asking 'which one?'), when they did away with months and years, and call their time Year One of the Revolution and so on, dissolved marriage as an institution, banned the church and jailed clergymen, squatting rights came to bear (didn't matter if you owned the land, merely that you lived on it). On and on. Tell me, who came to power? And what did ol' Robespierre do? And who destroyed him? And were they themselves destroyed? (Here's a lovely quote: "If the spring of popular government in time of peace is virtue, the springs of popular government in revolution are at once virtue and terror: virtue, without which terror is fatal; terror, without which virtue is powerless. Terror is nothing other than justice, prompt, severe, inflexible...It has been said that terror is the principle of despotic government. Does your government therefore resemble despotism? Yes, as the sword that gleams in the hands of the heroes of liberty resembles that with which the henchmen of tyranny are armed.") Let us remember these folks were lefties. (Go on with yer shit about Shrub; I ain't impressed. Do you actually believe you're saying something new about W. and his cronies?)
What about them Bolsheviks? Who succeeded them? And what sort of dictator was he? And what did he do?
My point is not "Oh, those wacky lefties." My point is what happens when you eschew standards egocentrically, thoughtlessly. When you say, "Let's make 'em up as we go along and reinvent ourselves and make our own society cuz those old ethics were just so tired and, well, they didn't speak to me; that's all about straight white men."
No, I didn't misspell the title to this entry. It's a little scrip for the odd syndrome at the heart of Homoland. Why is the act of pointing out a man's lies called judgmental? All you do is notice him lying.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Lurking for Love
Being the sort who looks for love in all the wrong places and being former, I will often start an online conversation with a guy if he states his location as FPO/APO AE or the like. Here is a transcript of an exchange prompted by such an opener, from a very popular men's (okay, fag) site; the correspondent, creativejuice, states in his profile that he is 50 years old:
BigDumbDawg
What branch you in?
creativejuice
branch?
BigDumbDawg
You state your location as APO AE. This leads one to believe you are deployed in the Arab Emirates. I inquired as to which branch of the military you're in.
creativejuicenope.
sorry. i'm in the states. denver in fact. not in the military.
BigDumbDawg
You may wish to edit your profile to reflect that.
creativejuice
if you read the description it says where i'm from but i will take that into consideration.
BigDumbDawg
Sir, I mean no offense. However, it is disrespectful to those servicemembers stationed in the Arab Emirates for someone who is not so deployed to give the appearance that he is.
creativejuice
understood and no offense taken but i'm not sure how i am giving the appearance that i am deployed. because my location says AE? could itbe possible that i might be employed there?
BigDumbDawg
Why lie? "APO AE" is a standardized abbreviation; that's how it gives the appearance you're overseas/military. You're how old and don't know this? You selected it and don't know this? Prevaricate as you wish, but please don't disrespect those deployed.
creativejuice
i see i hit a nerve with you and i wouldn't want that so it will be changed sir.
BigDumbDawg
Thank you for at long last behaving like an adult.
Okay, there's no real reason for thanking a grown man for behaving like one. Truly. What irks the fook outta me is that the guy sees no problem with misrepresenting himself in a disrespectful manner. When his lie is pointed out for what it is, he still ignores the fact that he lied, makes the matter *my* issue, then condescends to do the right thing. A bracingly American trait, that. And gay guys, particularly those on the political left, wonder how they contributed to the current political climate. If, as leftist types are wont to say, the personal is the political... well...?
Am I overreacting? Well, this *is* a fooken blog. Sheesh.
BigDumbDawg
What branch you in?
creativejuice
branch?
BigDumbDawg
You state your location as APO AE. This leads one to believe you are deployed in the Arab Emirates. I inquired as to which branch of the military you're in.
creativejuicenope.
sorry. i'm in the states. denver in fact. not in the military.
BigDumbDawg
You may wish to edit your profile to reflect that.
creativejuice
if you read the description it says where i'm from but i will take that into consideration.
BigDumbDawg
Sir, I mean no offense. However, it is disrespectful to those servicemembers stationed in the Arab Emirates for someone who is not so deployed to give the appearance that he is.
creativejuice
understood and no offense taken but i'm not sure how i am giving the appearance that i am deployed. because my location says AE? could itbe possible that i might be employed there?
BigDumbDawg
Why lie? "APO AE" is a standardized abbreviation; that's how it gives the appearance you're overseas/military. You're how old and don't know this? You selected it and don't know this? Prevaricate as you wish, but please don't disrespect those deployed.
creativejuice
i see i hit a nerve with you and i wouldn't want that so it will be changed sir.
BigDumbDawg
Thank you for at long last behaving like an adult.
Okay, there's no real reason for thanking a grown man for behaving like one. Truly. What irks the fook outta me is that the guy sees no problem with misrepresenting himself in a disrespectful manner. When his lie is pointed out for what it is, he still ignores the fact that he lied, makes the matter *my* issue, then condescends to do the right thing. A bracingly American trait, that. And gay guys, particularly those on the political left, wonder how they contributed to the current political climate. If, as leftist types are wont to say, the personal is the political... well...?
Am I overreacting? Well, this *is* a fooken blog. Sheesh.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
"Your Eclectedness...forgive me if my humble "grope" has in any way offended or perturbed you...I read your "Fooken" profile, and now realize why you are single...I must say, you have an impressive vocabulary, hombre, and, in my presumably worthless opinion, which you most likely will confirm, you are the first "Redneck/Savant" I've ever encountered here; or anywhere. Just curious, did you vote for Bush, chico? I leave you now, Your Immenceness...forgive...I am dirt before you...:-) *kiss, kiss*"
One always starts with an arresting opening. The paragraph above was written by a feller from Victoria BC, having been so moved by an online profile of mine.
The profile:
"Call me Deke. Am very much the big bro type; don't call me 'dad', don't call me 'sir'. The last thing I want to hear out of your ill-mannered and uninformed cakehole is how hot you think I am. Looking for companionship and one lasting battlebuddy; redheads, muscles, ink, former and AD military, brains, heart are all desirable. Younger than me and shorter than me sometimes produces an effect over which I have no control. Honesty is essential; strength that matches mine is compelling. Make conversation, treat me with simple respect and we'll get along fine. Former MOS 0311 and 5565; prefer own species (jarhead) for, uh, FTX and related merriment. I play rough. BC/KO, electro, singletails, chastity, gelding, guns, knives, piercing. I'd just as soon blacken a man's eyes or split his lips as kiss him. Yeah, I'm single. Live in fear. Gropes are summarily ignored; if you can't make conversation and must rely on prefabricated gestures, return to the cliched hell in which you surely live.
"I play piano (I'm damn good) and alto sax (I need improvement). Groove on Messiaen, Debussy, Reich, Crumb, Stravinsky and Hildegarde of Bingen; enjoy Cannonball Adderley and Bill Evans, too. I read a lot (Pynchon, McCarthy, Delillo), enjoy old movies (big James Cagney and Edward G. Robinson fan), good food, camping, hiking and swimming nekkid. Fooken love weight-training, rugby (I play lock) and shooting (own a Taurus PT99, pre-brady, bwar-har-har). The quickest way to piss me off is to treat me like an object or an accessory (use of the word "look" as a noun puts me in mind of fingernails on a chalkboard); this also means I don't enjoy hook-ups or one-offs. Do I have an ideal mate? Yeah, I do; you probably aren't him, but ya could try to impress me. If HIV status is an issue, I'm not you're man; this is not a circuitous way of revealing my sero-status, rather it is a direct way of saying I don't tolerate the petty bullshit associated with twats who demand I be one or the other before they'll acknowledge my humanity or desirability."
The 'grope' that he mentions refers to a prefabricated message the site provides, presumably for, well, hell, I dunno. If a guy can't make conversation face to face, does providing him with a pre-written option truly do any good? What sort of association could one have with a man who can't speak for himself? -- because he's "shy" or he "never knows what to say." To paraphrase, if you can't say anything, don't say anything at all.
One always starts with an arresting opening. The paragraph above was written by a feller from Victoria BC, having been so moved by an online profile of mine.
The profile:
"Call me Deke. Am very much the big bro type; don't call me 'dad', don't call me 'sir'. The last thing I want to hear out of your ill-mannered and uninformed cakehole is how hot you think I am. Looking for companionship and one lasting battlebuddy; redheads, muscles, ink, former and AD military, brains, heart are all desirable. Younger than me and shorter than me sometimes produces an effect over which I have no control. Honesty is essential; strength that matches mine is compelling. Make conversation, treat me with simple respect and we'll get along fine. Former MOS 0311 and 5565; prefer own species (jarhead) for, uh, FTX and related merriment. I play rough. BC/KO, electro, singletails, chastity, gelding, guns, knives, piercing. I'd just as soon blacken a man's eyes or split his lips as kiss him. Yeah, I'm single. Live in fear. Gropes are summarily ignored; if you can't make conversation and must rely on prefabricated gestures, return to the cliched hell in which you surely live.
"I play piano (I'm damn good) and alto sax (I need improvement). Groove on Messiaen, Debussy, Reich, Crumb, Stravinsky and Hildegarde of Bingen; enjoy Cannonball Adderley and Bill Evans, too. I read a lot (Pynchon, McCarthy, Delillo), enjoy old movies (big James Cagney and Edward G. Robinson fan), good food, camping, hiking and swimming nekkid. Fooken love weight-training, rugby (I play lock) and shooting (own a Taurus PT99, pre-brady, bwar-har-har). The quickest way to piss me off is to treat me like an object or an accessory (use of the word "look" as a noun puts me in mind of fingernails on a chalkboard); this also means I don't enjoy hook-ups or one-offs. Do I have an ideal mate? Yeah, I do; you probably aren't him, but ya could try to impress me. If HIV status is an issue, I'm not you're man; this is not a circuitous way of revealing my sero-status, rather it is a direct way of saying I don't tolerate the petty bullshit associated with twats who demand I be one or the other before they'll acknowledge my humanity or desirability."
The 'grope' that he mentions refers to a prefabricated message the site provides, presumably for, well, hell, I dunno. If a guy can't make conversation face to face, does providing him with a pre-written option truly do any good? What sort of association could one have with a man who can't speak for himself? -- because he's "shy" or he "never knows what to say." To paraphrase, if you can't say anything, don't say anything at all.
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