Firewatch on Whelping Day

I celebrated my 46th birthday by getting a haircut. I look fooken sharp. No, you can't see it; I look like every other fooken jarhead. And it was Sunday.

Still going blind, still cranky, still looking for permanent quarters. Currently shacked up in a motel here in Stumps; the building is largely populated by other devildawgs, and this has a certain measure of comfort.

I've been having a couple nights where I am compelled to keep watch. Not that I'm particularly annoyed by keeping watch; indeed, it is one of my favorite duties. But there are times when I don't have watch, when I needn't be vigilant, yet I am pointedly observant and extremely aware of my surroundings. It takes a special touch to calm me down on such nights. There are two men in this world who have such a touch; one is my buddy Joe, who is in overseas for three weeks, and the other is a former b/f who, even though he is so troubled as to believe the world (and I) hates him, is still among a select few treasured individuals who have places in my heart. We'll call him Echo Five.

I don't know how Joe or Echo Five do it. They know how to get my attention when I'm so far gone I don't respond to my name. They know how to remind me of my better angels, no matter how bad I want to tear out some cockbite's throat. They can stop me before I do something shameful.

I wish I knew where Echo Five was, but he will not talk to me; he tells himself I hate him, though I do not. He tells himself he is unworthy of love. He tells himself he is a bad man, when in his heart and soul, he is not. I often think of him when I keep watch like this.

I miss my brothers. I want them with me. Echo Five, this is Alphadawg, come back. Dragon 17, this is Alphadawg, come back. 40 Wax, Hitman, Bri-baby, Red Dawg, this is Alphadawg actual, come back.

A Nous La Liberte

seektopstud
(01/30 04:01 am)
seektopstud sent you a grope.

BigDumbDawg
(01/30 11:10 am)
Something on yer mind?

seektopstud
(01/30 02:20 pm)
Dang guy you are on my mind wish I was in CA. I like your rugged handsome looks. Gotta say you are one hott fucker thx from O'Dell

BigDumbDawg
(01/30 07:49 pm)
Read the profile; see what happens, heh heh.

seektopstud
(01/31 04:20 pm)
well read your profile. it reads like you prob will be single for a long time.looks is not an issue with me. but what is inside a man.pretty is for girls. to hit another is disrespect and how can you as a man disrespect and be respected.I may be way off base but the whole bio is not about you but of how great you are unto yourself and to be your partner a guy would have to be like you real life its just not going to happen so the Question I have for you is this bio meant to scare people off from you as For being HIV not an issue .that can be worked around neg here. my name is O'Dell and do think you are a very handsome man outwardly As for me no time for gay drama never been in a gay bar gay nothing. I like hunting camping fishing horse backing biking hiking weightlifting fleamarkets and home life and a one on one relation ship

BigDumbDawg
(01/31 05:13 pm)
You and I are clearly not meant to know one another.

Deke

seektopstud
(02/01 11:44 am)
maybe so but I gotta say I still like your rugged good looks

BigDumbDawg
(02/01 12:23 pm)
And I'm sure such reflections on your taste in men will appreciate in the fullness of time. Now, leave me be.


I sigh for the world. I weep for language, particularly for an appalling lack of punctuation, but I fooken sigh for the world.