Desert Dawg

Saturday, August 16, 2008

August Edema

Am currently recuperating from hernia repair. Two things:

Thing 1 -- I really fooken hate demerol. Makes me moody for about a week.

Thing 2 -- I could use a good houseboy. I fooken hate it when chores get away from me; this place is a fooken dump.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Exsqueeze Me?

This just in:

getmeguy
(04/11 03:06 pm)
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww man you and that dog soooooo cute hooo you cough my soft side of me






Whisky tango foxtrot, over.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Two Days Ago in History

My buddy Links deployed to Afghanistan on Saturday. I miss him like hell. He's with my former unit, so I know he's in excellent hands. But godfookendammit, I'm getting real fooken tired of this shit.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Notes on Hot

There's a reason each profile I write online contains the sentence, "Don't give a shit if you think I'm hot; save that bullshit for someone else." Sometimes it's, "Comments, like "you're hot", "hey stud", "hi handsome", "woof" or similar bullshit will simply be ignored (in fact, calling me 'hot' will likely piss me off; if you can't refrain from so commenting, be prepared for a negative response)." It's cuz calling a guy 'hot' communicates nothing; it is a reflection one man's desire for another. "I think you're sex-worthy" is pretty damn dull in terms of conversation, particularly since I ask a man to impress me with his sense of purpose and sense of self.

If some stranger tells me I'm fookable, I'm not impressed. So he finds me fookable; he may rent me for a tidy sum. Most often, the next thing out of his mouth is, "Use me, abuse me." And I am interested in this invitation to his selfishness cuz why?

When I tell a guy that I don't care if he thinks I'm hot, he often responds with disbelief or enmity. "What? You don't care if people don't think you're hot?" as if being hot is the only reason to live.

Sure, I'm as big a sucker for pulchritude as any man. But I have no reason to believe some stranger will be interested in that particular aspect of my opinion. Besides, if I go out to suck down a few beers and sink a few pool balls, what does it matter? I'll talk to anyone; that's the essence of socializing. Ya go out, meet folks ya don't know, spend some time engaged in pleasant conversation, enjoy their mere company. It's pretty ordinary fun, and I like it.

Personally, I think I'm kinda ugly, but I admit to a gift for making ugly look good. I kinda like ugly guys -- Harvey Keitel, Dick Butkus, Gunny Clausen, SSgt Farris -- because their faces have character. They are infinitely memorable; they have a timeless integrity. I don't show my face here cuz it got hit by a truck some years ago; one side has plenty of scarring, and part of my ear is lopped off. An ugly buddy will never lie to you; he has nothing to prove to himself or the world.

Okay, there's another reason I'm reluctant to show my face here -- I'm more interested in people responding to the written word.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Firewatch on Whelping Day

I celebrated my 46th birthday by getting a haircut. I look fooken sharp. No, you can't see it; I look like every other fooken jarhead. And it was Sunday.

Still going blind, still cranky, still looking for permanent quarters. Currently shacked up in a motel here in Stumps; the building is largely populated by other devildawgs, and this has a certain measure of comfort.

I've been having a couple nights where I am compelled to keep watch. Not that I'm particularly annoyed by keeping watch; indeed, it is one of my favorite duties. But there are times when I don't have watch, when I needn't be vigilant, yet I am pointedly observant and extremely aware of my surroundings. It takes a special touch to calm me down on such nights. There are two men in this world who have such a touch; one is my buddy Joe, who is in overseas for three weeks, and the other is a former b/f who, even though he is so troubled as to believe the world (and I) hates him, is still among a select few treasured individuals who have places in my heart. We'll call him Echo Five.

I don't know how Joe or Echo Five do it. They know how to get my attention when I'm so far gone I don't respond to my name. They know how to remind me of my better angels, no matter how bad I want to tear out some cockbite's throat. They can stop me before I do something shameful.

I wish I knew where Echo Five was, but he will not talk to me; he tells himself I hate him, though I do not. He tells himself he is unworthy of love. He tells himself he is a bad man, when in his heart and soul, he is not. I often think of him when I keep watch like this.

I miss my brothers. I want them with me. Echo Five, this is Alphadawg, come back. Dragon 17, this is Alphadawg, come back. 40 Wax, Hitman, Bri-baby, Red Dawg, this is Alphadawg actual, come back.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

A Nous La Liberte

seektopstud
(01/30 04:01 am)
seektopstud sent you a grope.

BigDumbDawg
(01/30 11:10 am)
Something on yer mind?

seektopstud
(01/30 02:20 pm)
Dang guy you are on my mind wish I was in CA. I like your rugged handsome looks. Gotta say you are one hott fucker thx from O'Dell

BigDumbDawg
(01/30 07:49 pm)
Read the profile; see what happens, heh heh.

seektopstud
(01/31 04:20 pm)
well read your profile. it reads like you prob will be single for a long time.looks is not an issue with me. but what is inside a man.pretty is for girls. to hit another is disrespect and how can you as a man disrespect and be respected.I may be way off base but the whole bio is not about you but of how great you are unto yourself and to be your partner a guy would have to be like you real life its just not going to happen so the Question I have for you is this bio meant to scare people off from you as For being HIV not an issue .that can be worked around neg here. my name is O'Dell and do think you are a very handsome man outwardly As for me no time for gay drama never been in a gay bar gay nothing. I like hunting camping fishing horse backing biking hiking weightlifting fleamarkets and home life and a one on one relation ship

BigDumbDawg
(01/31 05:13 pm)
You and I are clearly not meant to know one another.

Deke

seektopstud
(02/01 11:44 am)
maybe so but I gotta say I still like your rugged good looks

BigDumbDawg
(02/01 12:23 pm)
And I'm sure such reflections on your taste in men will appreciate in the fullness of time. Now, leave me be.


I sigh for the world. I weep for language, particularly for an appalling lack of punctuation, but I fooken sigh for the world.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Diplomatic Immunity

Onward into the fog -- italmex sez of himself, "Very successful,single, well-grounded, fit and stable, ex-jock, ex-military masculine man enjoys the company of other fit masculine guys who are into sports, outdoors and simple fun. The pic is recent and accurate. I'm buddhist, which means low stress, never been drunk and never done drugs. These factors, plus genetics, has kept me looking and feeling young. I have no medical, or mental issues I have to deal with at this stage in my life, (or i'm too crazy to know any better!). Nothing is more attractive to me than to see a mature man, over 40, who is in great shape physically and has a strong mental, physical and spiritual foundation."

I'm always interested in conversing with other former service types, so I opened with a customary query --

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 12:08 am)
Which branch of the service were you in?

Deke

italmex
(01/27 08:54 am)
Navy!

Jim

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 01:08 pm)
I am certain that despite that small lapse in good judgment, you are a good man. Where were you stationed?

Spent most of my time at Camp Pendleton with a couple TDY to Stumps (and a week at Lejeune). Swore I'd never return here of my own free will, yet here I am, and the longer I stay, the more it feels like home.

Deke

italmex
(01/27 04:39 pm)

My last duty station was in alameda, but many years ago (mid 70's), i was an enlisted grunt corpman in Camp Pendleton; stationed at camp margarita...had fun..
29 palms is not what i'd call shangrila, but if you're happy there, more power to ya bud..

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 04:48 pm)
Holy shit -- they had you in the fooken sticks at Pen. I was mainside, but would spend the occasional night at Margarita or Horno.

Stumps is indeed a pit. The base, that is, heh heh. Okay, the town isn't much better, but the longer I stay, the more it feels like home. I like having other devildawgs around me; they are my people.

Corpsman? I owe you beer on general principle.

Deke

italmex
(01/27 04:56 pm)
thas right...little respect around here is much appreciated...retired as an "O'...LCDR...surface warfare officer..

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 06:17 pm)
Fook, now I'm conflicted. I'd have to piss in yer coffee for being SWO, but must ply you with beer for being a corpsman. We'll go with the beer.

Exited as GySGT. Have all the warmth of the rank, too, heh heh.

Deke

italmex
(01/27 06:20 pm)
you must be very popular at the tool shed in Palm springs...

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 06:33 pm)
I wouldn't know; I don't go there. Too damn loud, don't care for the crowd.

italmex
(01/27 07:13 pm)
hmm, totally understand...are u poz bud?

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 07:34 pm)
Am I poz? That's a helluva question to ask a stranger. What's your interest?

Deke

italmex
(01/27 07:37 pm)
just curious...are u offended by that? if so, why?

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 07:43 pm)
Bucko, if you are unable to respect a man's boundaries on face value, I do not feel compelled to justify mine. As I said, it's a helluva question to ask a stranger.

My opinion regarding HIV status is in my profile.

italmex
(01/27 07:46 pm)
sounds like you got some issues bro...
maybe your profile shoulda said BigDumbAss..

BigDumbDawg
(01/27 08:49 pm)
Maybe yours shoulda said SWO_Syndrome.

-------------

"I'm a Buddhist, which means low stress, never been drunk and never done drugs." That's gotta be the strangest post-hoc reasoning I've come across. I guess it also means, "I'm a pompous cockbite who recognizes the validity of his own feelings above those of others, which means I'm allowed to ask loaded questions for small talk."

My line on HIV in the profile? "If HIV status is an issue, I'm not you're man; this is not a circuitous way of revealing my sero-status, rather it is a direct way of saying I don't tolerate the petty bullshit associated with twats who demand I be one or the other before they'll acknowledge my humanity or desirability."

When did making boundaries clear come to mean "having issues"?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hirsutitude, No Extra Charge

Annent the troubling spread of crotch shaving among men:

Popular opinion sez shaving makes yer dick look bigger. It doesn't. It makes your dick look bald. It also makes open, running sores easier to spot.

'Nuff said.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm above shaving a guy. It's kinda nice to remind a fella who's alpha and who's bravo.

(One time, when I was 19, I had occasion to visit the local STD clinic. Had an enormous, and I mean fooken gigantic pustule on my wang. Naturally, I freaked. After being interviewed by a 400-pound dyke with an east Texas accent, dressed in a Mickey Mouse T-shirt ("Yoo have a shanker on yer pay-nis?"), I was directed to a cubicle with a drawn curtain. The doc on staff came in, took a look, said, "Holy shit, that's the biggest ingrown hair I've ever seen. You can just express it." Whereupon he grabbed my member in his gloved hands, and squeezed the zit -- which promptly spewed the contents of Satan's own gall bladder all over the walls. I was instructed to dress it with triple-antibiotic ointment and discharged.)

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Whiffenpoof Song

I'm going blind. Macular degeneration. Fair eyes, fair skin; it happens, though docs are a little surprised to find it in me. No cure, little treatment. I deal poorly with this.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

We're Having Much More Fun

Once again, an example of the glorious psychosis that is online profiles. BTW, for those who don't know, I'm BigDumbDawg; the profile in question is reprinted in the very first -- maybe second -- post of this very blog.

Are we all lit?

militaryrecruit
(01/07 12:22 am)

militaryrecruit sent you a grope.

militaryrecruit
(01/07 12:22 am)

militaryrecruit has unlocked his private photos for you.

BigDumbDawg
(01/07 12:47 am)

Something on yer mind, recruit?

militaryrecruit
(01/07 01:15 am)

Yes Sir............Something is on my mind. Would like to be dominated
by you SIR ?

john

---- Now, a little editorial: a "grope" here is a pre-fabricated message the website maintains; it's meant to encourage contact, but frankly, a man who can't express himself in his own words doesn't impress me.

BigDumbDawg
(01/07 01:42 am)

Fooken fags never bother reading my profile. Educate yourself before
making your move.

militaryrecruit
(01/07 05:02 pm)

BigDumbDawg...........Fuck Face..........I've read your pathetic
attempt at describing yourself and the type of realationship you are
trying to pursue. LoL's !!!

So you are a big, tough, old, alphamale ex marine.

You sound more like a whining, desperate, self loathing, cynical,
jaded, lonely, aging middle aged, aging old lady. Worrying about her
spent youth !!!

You sound more like a FUCK HEAD than a JARHEAD !!! I quess the USMC
doesn't teach their recruit's about interpersonal skills in dealing
with people.

So you think .......That you are the Big Brother Type !!!
........That's really laughable !!!

The truth is that you are an middled 45 year old guy who is scarred to
death that his time to find a partner and a LTR is running out.

As you know 45 years old is almost half a century year old. You are
pre-historic dinosour in the gay world where youth and masculinity and
virility is of prime importance to a potential life partner.

Marine like yourself are know to be arrogant, self centered, non
monogamous, promiscuous and sex pigs. I'm sure are no different.

Have you taked a good look in the mirror lately ????

You are getting older !!!
You are getting wrinkled.
You sexual virilty, arousal, and stamina are slowing down to a crawl

You have no personality
You are bitter
You are judgemental
You are jaded
You are cynical
You are narcissistic
You are self absorbed
You are selfish
You are self serving
You are sarcastic
You are arrogant


These are only a few of the adjectives that describe BIGDUMBDOG

I truth you are a lonely, pathetic, old ex-marine who is aging out and
frightened of spending the rest of his life alone.

DaddyHunt is the end of the line when someone over the hill is making
their last pitch to find sex

Conterary to your lilimited intelligence DaddtHunt is a SEX LINE........

Not a Dating Line

No Romanace
No Flowers
No Long Walks on the Beach
No LTR's
No Prince Charmings
No guys without baggage

Just pure unadulterated RAW SEX !!!

At 25 when you were at your sexual and physical peak .........You were
promiscuous and fucking every guy that walked.

You should have been looking to settle down with MR Right when you
were 25. Unfortunately, you are far too narcissistic and hedonistic
too settle down with one guy.

Your ad says that you are looking for a redhead, with muscles, ink,
former AD, Military, Brains, and a heart younger than yourself.

BigDumbDog........I'm sure you've got a long list of perfect guys
fitting your precise. pre-qualifying, narrowly defined guy banging
down your door ...............

Just waiting to date and serve a Jewish American Princess like you........LOL's

You are so irresistible !!!! .......Huh ???

BigDumbDog.........If you really live in 29 Palms as you say you do............

Then why are you so desperate to advertise for a relationship on a web
site that caters to men at least 45 years old and older ????

Twenty Nine Palms is crawling you young handsome buffed USMC guys
pratically living in your backyard.

If you as hot as you say you are.........Why haven't you met a hot
muscular USMC dude in a gym of bar ????

There is no doubt that you have issues questioning your manliness and
masculinity.

You say you would rather punch a guys face in and blacken his eyes or
split his lips rather than kiss a MAN

Sounds like you are still questioning and fearful of your
homosexuality and sexual orientation.

You sound like a a certain percentage of Marines who are sexually
conflicted and sexually confused about your homosexuality

You are constantly trying to prove to the world the you are
BIG.....BAD ......and BUTCH .........and you think it makes the world
believe that you are straight .......As well as yourself

The fact os that you are the opposite of the smoke and mirror image
you try to project to the world.

You are really fearful of aging
Fearful of being old and alone
Fearful of Rejection of your
HIV + status
Fearful of losing your sexual
virilty and stamina with aging.

PS..............If so many women are chasing you ..........It's
because you are so insecure that you are flirting with them pretending
that you are straight to reinforce your poor self image and shame
about being a HOMO.

Needless to say .......You have probably been a promiscuous whore
throughtout your life that has resulted in your HIV + status.

Apparently you seem to indicate that you have matured and sex is no
longer your primary interest.......

You now want a LTR !!!

Your ad says that you have desirablity and humanity. You sure had me
fooled. I haven't seen it

You need to take a good look in the mirror BIGDUMBDOG

You think you are perfect !!! But your not

We all have baggage ......Dude.........

Going through life produces baggage for all of us.


BigDumbDawg
(01/07 08:44 pm)

The lady doth protest too much.

Reader, I blocked him.