The Only Thing That Will Cure Me Is A Miracle

arpeejay
Based on the criterion you set forth I think you could have skipped the tatts. You're a beautiful man, inside and out. And, just so you'll know, there's nothing sexier than fur on muscle (IMHO) and you have plenty of both! All the best & xoxo

Huh?

Based on what I say, I shouldn't have tattooed myself. But that's okay, I'm beautiful inside and out. Love and kisses, some stranger.

Or maybe

You don't apply your standards to yourself, but that's okay cuz you're sexy as fook, luvity luv luv luv, a dork in Florida.

Possibly

You gorgeous hypocrite! Give me your knucklepuppies, kiss kiss kiss, another schmuck who lives in America's wang.

Could be

I'm a pompous weiner with a thinly-veiled yet morbid fear of obesity that keeps me from knowing who I am, sexy sexy sexy sexy sex, I'm in Ft Lauderdale and will eat your sperm, yummy.

Norman, coordinate. Norman, coordinate...