Monsters Under My Bed

Here's a scary thought -- we are taught the world is one way when it is actually another. For ejemplo, everyone "knows" that married French men have mistresses in addition to wives, and nobody cares. However, there is the veneer of care, in that we claim to abhor adultery; that's how we're socialized, and that veneer passes for happiness (or, at least, contentment). Then we shriek about secret prisons abroad, where 'enemy combatants' are incarcerated; we act surprised when Cheney won't release any documentation. Paranoia becomes an act of community; we are made community by whom we fear. We give lip service to welcome, to tolerance, to the best ideas of humanity but secretly hoard (then revere) the worst because that's what truly holds us together.

More Wackiness Online

So this blissfully unaware and incompetent freakazoid responded to an online profile. You know the one -- the one that prompted another retardate to email the commandant's office of the United States Marine Corps to tell 'em a war criminal was on the loose in southern California. Anywho, here's the exchange:

Nice2b
2007-07-11 18:54:59 Nice and damn "hard" profile but i bet that is just the way you are or maybe not??? hard shell and VERY soft cell?? Maybe you can answer my very first question on my profile??? Have a good one, like your pix, nice, but U R just too much of a TOP. Steffl

(So -- does he want a response or doesn't he? He likes my pics, but I'm "just too much of a TOP" whatever that means. Does anyone know what language this is? Is his message "I was interested until I read the text"? Oh, let's respond anyway.)

BigDumbDawg
2007-07-11 19:06:38 Thanks for your judgmental attitude.

Nice2b
2007-07-12 16:00:54 sorry, but you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until i got to read your entire profile and your notes... I still believe that there has to be a SOFT touch to you! Your older (rowing) pics where good too. You see i do watch you already a long time

BigDumbDawg
2007-07-12 18:33:35 I don't row. Never have. Interesting how you decompensate ("you looked so damn nice to me on your pics until...."). Take your arrogance elsewhere; it's unappealing.

Nice2b
sorry, won't happen again, but i am 4 sure not arrogant, never been and hope never will be? You do look very nice (and sexy) in your profile pix. It's only that this 1 pic looked so brutal to me :-( Hope you take my apology. Good night 4 now, STEFFL.

He's not arrogant? Last time I checked, making assumptions and being utterly immune to another's input is de facto arrogance. (And truly, I have never rowed a day in my life. The sport doesn't appeal to me. But let's not trifle over things like facts.)

Curiously, this wasn't the first time I'd heard from the guy. The first time he wrote me, it was to say this:

nice2b
2007-06-18 15:38:01 your favorite pic = that shows how different prefferences are!! You have a great day hunky man. Regards from Bavaria, STEFFL

BigDumbDawg
I disagree. It shows how different focii are.

Hear that, world? PREFERENCES ARE DIFFERENT!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

Cynical me, making fun of dolts who truly have nothing to say, but are enamored of the sound of their own voice. Back in sixth grade, we had a name for this condition: Diarrhea of the Mouth.

Still reading? Want to know what the "very first question" on his profile is? He asks, "EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT IS "ALL AMERICAN" am i 100% All Bavarian or did you US guys forget your descent??" I weep for language, but that is another post. (I also weep for people who are clearly unable to express their thoughts in written form. Then I am reminded of a statistic a psychiatrist friend once shared with me: 60 percent of any given population never achieves abstract thought.)

Klytus, I'm Bored

You scored as Violent, You are violent. To you there is nothing better than a good spank. You like scratching and biting 'cause that's what people are for. Violent 88% Hot 69% Shy 50% Wet 50% Soft 44% Exciting 44% Awkward 25% Sweet 19% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

It's twue, it's twue.

May Day M'Aidez

THE DATE: 28 APR 07

THE PROFILE:

Former MOS 0311, 5565, looking for friends, and one good and lasting battlebuddy, former/AD military prefered; USMC much prefered. I am a humorless, blood-thirsty, baby-killing automaton. Civilians interested in contact should familiarize themselves with the points below:

How to Handle a Jarhead

1) Realize that when he says he will lay down his life for you, he actually means it; respond accordingly.

2) Realize that for him, flirting is a contact sport, like unto rugby (and while he may not be the brightest guy around, you'll be surprised at how what he says will hit you).

3) Know he is vulgar, has a juvenile sense of humor, swears a lot, but is still the kind of guy you'd be proud to take home to yer mother (and he'll probably inform your father that his intentions toward you are indeed honorable). He also has impeccable table manners.

4) Know that when he cries, he fooken means it; he has the same understanding of you. (There is enough in this life that will make him cry, but don't expect him to admit to it if pressed.)

5) Know that the motto, "Courage, honor, commitment" is not a collection of buzzwords to him; they guide him in how he lives his life. If he fails, gently remind him; he expects it of you.

6) Know that he will never be rich, but he will always share whatever he has.

7) Know that when he apologizes, you must never, ever tell anyone (unless one absolutely *must* be so informed).

8) Never, ever, under any circumstances ask what he's done in battle. He'll bring it up when or if it's time.

9) Know that he will fook you through the wall, make you shoot when your cock is soft, and has the sweetest pussy you'll ever get into.

10) It has been said of jarheads, "The best friend you'll ever have, the worst enemy you'll ever make. " Whoever said it wasn't kidding.

Further details at http://proverbsforparanoiacs.blogspot.com.

Inane responses will be handled in an appropriate manner. If masculinity is a fashion accessory for you -- most of you who suffer from this affliction refuse to recognize yourselves -- stay away. There are plenty of dorks to pork you; I'm not one of them.

THE EXCHANGE:

bodybuildRUF 2007-04-28 18:51:24
nice sentiments bud, too bad you & other military die-hards are having their "duty honor country" bullshit patriotism totally abused by mass-murderer war-criminal abject liars the likes of empty-headed "junior" bush and "big-time" corporate-mafioso cheney

BigDumbDawg 2007-04-28 20:16:12
Thanks for the insult. Perhaps you'd like to try again, only this time, say, "I don't know why any self-respecting gay man would ever want to be in the military."

bodybuildRUF
I don't know why a self-respecting American male of ANY persuasion would put up with participating in a military that has become such a reprehensible tool of mass murder & brutality under crypto-fascist Bush & Cheney. They give a flying fuck about freedom

BigDumbDawg
Why the fook are you giving me such a hassle? Did I ask for your opinion? NO. So why don't you just fook off to your own little corner and shut the fook up?

bodybuildRUF
btw, the baby-killer remark is not only disgusting & reprehensible (and evidently, not an uncommon activity perpetrated by our valiant stud soldiers in Iraqi civilian neighborhoods), but would subject you to the same charge of murder as any other homicide

BigDumbDawg
FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE!!! NOW! I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, YOU FOOKEN WROTE ME WITH ALL YOUR INSULTING GARBAGE! NOW FOOK OFF!! YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE MEN I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED! I AM NOT INTERESTED! LEAVE ME BE!

I have reported you to the webmasters of this site for your continuing harassment. Stop now, or I will pursue this matter in court.

bodybuildRUF
How dare you call me "morally reprehensible" when it is YOU who presents such disgusting immoral garbage in your BM profile that I merely happened to come across. Take your fucking phoney military bravado and shove it up your miserably ugly fat ass, pal

BigDumbDawg
Again, stop or I will pursue this matter in court. You are only building the case against you and BM.

bodybuildRUF
I'm sorry, but when I read you bragging that you are a "baby-killing automaton" (even if that is just your attempt at humorous bragadocio) I was sickened. Do you have any idea how many actual babies are incinerated every day by American bombing in Iraq.

BigDumbDawg
STOP WRITING TO ME!!!! NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWNOW NOW!!! I DO NOT WANT CONTACT WITH YOU!!! STOP WRITING ME!! YOU WROTE ME OF YOUR OWN ACCORD ONLY TO HURL INSULTS AT ME!!! STOP IT!!!NOW!!! THIS FOOKEN INSTANT!!! STOP IT! YOU WILL BE SUED FOR STALKING!

bodybuildRUF
Don't worry man, this is my last message. At first your reprehensible ravings made me angry (would you like me to link you to websites of actual photos of children murdered by America's military) but now I realize you are unhinged. Get professional help

BigDumbDawg
SHUT UP!!! JUST FOOKEN SHUT UP AND FOOKEN LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAK!!!

THE COMMENTARY:

C'mon, it's a blog; there's always commentary. Aside from the entertainment value of a St. Petersburg-dwelling liberal fascist going for blood for no discernible reason, let's take a look at what he does.

I like the curiously sexualized language in reference to the despised military ("our valiant stud soldiers"), the utter abnegation of any responsibility for his responses ("it was your moral garbage... that I just happened to come across."), references to myself as homicidal (and I'd be "charged with murder same as any other homicide"), and, of course, the grand ad hominem a gay man can say of another: physical decrepitude ("miserably ugly fat ass"). After all, he was "sickened."

Fooken duh, this reactionary's rants have nothing to do with me. But somehow I gave him a focus. I'm military. I'm dead sexy. I'm muscular, I'm masculine, I'm forward, I'm unsentimental. and I do not toe the party line. As for bodybuildRUF, he was thrown off the site. Will I seek legal counsel? Yeah, cuz I'm fooken tired of getting shit like this when all I want is a mate. I'm fooken tired of fags who think they're entitled to spew any kind of venom when they come across someone they can't screw because he's ideologically impure. (How do I know that's the case? His rants ain't arch enough to be sarcasm.)

So what world is it when the ability to speak makes one's opinion valid? It is the world built of particularity. "As a woman....", "As a black man....", "As a lesbian....", "As an Asian-American...." -- none of these things grant a de facto insight regarding a subject. Such an understanding of these signifiers is nothing but a return to the superstition of Rousseau's 'noble savage'.

I suppose the obvious question here -- for those who belong to the thinkin' fellers union -- is why I don't say nothing in my profile for blogspot. Well, if that's you, you're right. I don't say nothing, don't talk to no one...

Dawg Day Afternoon

This just in from Iron Nick (or IronNick) --

"lol, what an arrogant jerk! And you're worried about getting too many gropes? And comments about being hot??? Just goes to prove that you're not the only delusional dullard around. Me thinks you do protest too much, but there's good news--29 Plams is a great place for you to be planted. Maybe it could be re-named 30 Palms to include you, you cerrtainly have the nuts for it. Nevertheless, kudos for your musical talent--I admire you for that, and it's a convenient excuse if you'd ever have to tangle with a real man."

Now, we know the profile he was responding to; it was listed in the first post on this blog. (Go on, I'll wait while you reacquaint yourself with it....) It is responses like these that bring me to the ongoing question: just what the fook is it with fags that, upon reading my profile, they feel compelled to hurl bile and invective my way? I mean, these are guys who, one imagines, would ordinarily simply change the channel if James Dobson came on. What is it about reading a personal profile that so sets 'em off?

My theory -- and it's only a theory; there's no fooken way I'll ever be able to prove it -- is that they look at the pics, get all excited, and create this image of me in their bubbly li'l heads. Then they read the text, and it has nothing to do with the image they created. This hurts their feelings, so they (to borrow a word from the psych biz) decompensate. They vote democrat and decompensate when "their" candidate abandons them and votes for DOMA. They put a "No War in Iraq" bumpersticker on their car and are chagrined when Shrub maintains the rightness of his course, preaching perfectly pitched to the pitch-perfect choir. They actually believe that abortion as a medical procedure is threatened (exactly what this issue has to do with being queer, I'll never know; all the queer folks I know with kids went to elaborate lengths to plan for the births). They are the perfect enemy, just as easily manipulated, just as bloodthirsty as those they claim to oppose. And this prodigiously stupid battle will never end as long as the fundamental American outlook of us v them remains. Colony v nation, state v state, north v south, rich v poor, race v race. A wiser man than I once said, "The point is not to enlarge the circle of acceptance; the point is to erase the circle."

Taking One for the Team

My buddy Hitman was deployed to the Sandbox four days ago, and I fooken miss him.

Post Scrip

Creativejuice, the feller in the previous post, felt compelled to respond to me. "And thank you for taking it upon yourself to judge me," he wrote, after I commended him for behaving like an adult.

What the fook is it with fags and judgment? He clearly prevaricates in his correspondence with me, yet when I point this out, it's judgment. Hmm.

Okay, there's this odd little philosophical brick laid in the foundation of Homoland (for those who just joined our story, Homoland is my name for the Castro district in San Francisco; it is a far better nomenclature than 'gay community' as far as I'm concerned). And this little brick sez, "We are not straight; we are gay. Therefore, gay is what straight is not." Next to it is a little brick that sez, "There are no standards. Our strength is in our diversity, and we are all different; judgment was used to belittle us and divide us, therefore judgment is bad."

There's just a teensy problem with such an understanding: without standards, you have mob rule. Community, by its nature, cannot exist without standards. C'mon, lambchop, think to the French revolution (and before you get snooty by asking 'which one?'), when they did away with months and years, and call their time Year One of the Revolution and so on, dissolved marriage as an institution, banned the church and jailed clergymen, squatting rights came to bear (didn't matter if you owned the land, merely that you lived on it). On and on. Tell me, who came to power? And what did ol' Robespierre do? And who destroyed him? And were they themselves destroyed? (Here's a lovely quote: "If the spring of popular government in time of peace is virtue, the springs of popular government in revolution are at once virtue and terror: virtue, without which terror is fatal; terror, without which virtue is powerless. Terror is nothing other than justice, prompt, severe, inflexible...It has been said that terror is the principle of despotic government. Does your government therefore resemble despotism? Yes, as the sword that gleams in the hands of the heroes of liberty resembles that with which the henchmen of tyranny are armed.") Let us remember these folks were lefties. (Go on with yer shit about Shrub; I ain't impressed. Do you actually believe you're saying something new about W. and his cronies?)

What about them Bolsheviks? Who succeeded them? And what sort of dictator was he? And what did he do?

My point is not "Oh, those wacky lefties." My point is what happens when you eschew standards egocentrically, thoughtlessly. When you say, "Let's make 'em up as we go along and reinvent ourselves and make our own society cuz those old ethics were just so tired and, well, they didn't speak to me; that's all about straight white men."

No, I didn't misspell the title to this entry. It's a little scrip for the odd syndrome at the heart of Homoland. Why is the act of pointing out a man's lies called judgmental? All you do is notice him lying.